Henry’s recent love of Angry Birds Star Wars on his iPod and the curvy roads back East let us know that he gets car sick. About 40 minutes into our 571 mile trip back from the beach, (which should take about 9 hours) he began to feel sick.

Car traveling jacks up Henry’s blood sugar, so to compensate, we increase his basal temporarily to deliver 80% above his normal basal rate, which usually keeps his blood sugar between 80 and 150. However, one look at his continuous glucose monitor (CGM) told me his BG was falling. I tested his blood for the glucose level and ketones. His blood sugar was 62 and he had moderate ketones. We’d entered the terrible T1D paradox of nausea. Insulin and fluids are what flush ketones out of the system, but with a low BG and a sick tummy, it’s difficult, if not impossible, to take in or keep down carbs so that insulin can be delivered.

I climbed to the back seat and canceled the temporary basal increase. I coaxed Henry to eat or drink any carb he wanted, but apple juice and Airheads made him gag. We pulled into a gas station, and after some really dramatic moments, he managed to swallow a Dramamine with some apple juice. We walked around, and I panicked purchased a number of candies that came in a gel form, a sleep pillow, and a roll of paper towels.

Within half an hour we were back on the road, two arrows up on the CGM, Henry drinking sugar free liquids, insulin delivered, and ketones gone. It took a while before he felt like eating, but when he did, we stopped at a place Henry named. When it came time to place his order, big tears welled up in his eyes, and he said he didn’t want to eat there. Normally, Henry loves mealtime, so this behavior threw us. Finally, he decided on a bowl of rice, black beans, chicken, and cheese, and we bolused for half of it.

Henry ate half, and saved the rest for later. Later arrived, and we bolused for the rest as Henry grazed in the late afternoon. I  watched his blood glucose rise to 200, then 265, then 310, then 381, then HIGH (on a CGM this means it’s above 400). All the while, I rage bolused more insuiln, .5, then .75, then 1.5. I poured on the fluids. With a high blood glucose and lots of fluid, we got to visit no less than 7 gas stations (and a bucolic roadside) before dinner, which we were holding off on until his blood glucose was below 300, so the kids had an 8 p.m. dinner.

Recently, we were at the Friends for Life Conference in Orlando, FL, where the closing keynote speaker challenged the audience to think of how diabetes had enriched our lives. When presented with this question, my first thoughts were sardonic. It’s easy to think of all the negative ways that diabetes has altered my life, and most significantly and importantly, my son’s life. However, the easy type of thinking is not very useful. Diabetes is difficult, and demands a complicated response. The way I see my son is beautifully difficult. I see a five-year-old with a generous spirit, a kid who has endured more medical procedures than me, even though I’ve been alive seven times longer than he has. I imagine the courageous person he is already becoming because he has to live with type 1. Diabetes has allowed me see me son, and yes, I mean, “I see you,” in James Cameron Avatar kind of way: a great empathy that is a heart always breaking open to need and contentment.

 

A few more gas station stops later, we were finally at our destination eleven and half hours after we started the trip. We’d blown right past bedtime, and when I tucked Henry in he said, “I don’t like diabetes.”

I said, “I don’t like it either. Why don’t you like it?”

“I don’t like diabetes because I have to wait to eat yummy candy like Airheads, and they taste delicious. It’s not fair”

Henry’s starting to realize that his diabetes makes him different. The times when he tells me that he doesn’t like diabetes are hard, and I know it’s imperative for me to be really present in these moments, but my thoughts spill out like paint splatter. Immediately, I think it was a poor decision to introduce candy as a treat for lows. I wonder how we could have been so shortsighted. I think about watching family members who are able to give their kids lemonade, crackers, juice, and candy without a second thought. I’m with Henry, it’s not fair.

“You know what, Henry,” I said. “It’s not fair, but because you have diabetes, that means we take really good care of you, and you’re going to be healthy when you grow up.”

I think about telling him that candy is like medicine for him, but think better of it. I want to keep as much of his childhood diabetes free as I can. I want candy to be just candy.